My whole life I've struggled with anger.
More times than I can count, I've lost my cool at the silliest things. Always on the ones I love the most. (And one time on the lady at the DMV.)
My anger has never shown itself physically. I don't go off whopping people upside the head. My anger has always been evident through my loud mouth.
I'm a yeller.
For the last 3 months, I've really taken my anger to the Lord. Placed it at His feet. Repented of it. Studied scripture on the subject daily. God’s Word says, “Be angry and sin not.” I’ve learned that anger in itself isn’t a sin. It’s when you act on it that it becomes hurtful to yourself and others. By simply embracing this truth, it's a miracle what the Holy Spirit has done.
Here's just one example of many I've seen over the last few weeks:
A few nights ago, The Boy dropped an entire bowl of spaghetti on the white rug.
THE. WHITE. RUG.
"It's okay, son." I calmly said as I walked to the laundry room for carpet cleaner.
Wait a minute. Did I just say that? Did my BP and heart rate stay within normal ranges? Why was I not gritting my teeth and shouting? Why was I not really bothered by it at all?
I knelt down and started scrubbing the stain while my son apologized. Not once did my voice become loud or intimidating. Not once did I scold him. Not one single four-letter word rolled off my tongue.
That's not me. That's not my human nature. That's not who I've ever been at my core. Stains on rugs. Inconveniences. Worry. All of those things usually work me into a hot-headed frenzy.
My family is used to it by now. They just let me have my tantrum knowing I'd eventually feel guilt for going ape and apologize later.
I've always been a yeller.
I did the best I could with the tomato sauce embedded in the fibers. But some still remained. I finally walked away from it, still cool and collected.
I looked down at that stain this morning and instead of being reminded of going on a rant and feeling regret, I was reminded of the power of the Holy Spirit.
It changes hearts. It changes actions.
Praise God, it's changed me.
**People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness. Proverbs 14:29